Even though honesty is the most important part of a healthy and lasting relationship, sometimes being brutally open can hurt your partner. In certain cases, it is better to remain silent than say everything you mean.
Relationships are full of arguments, misunderstandings and even big fights, which is perfectly normal but only within the healthy boundaries. It is important to know your boundaries and always think before you speak. Words can never be taken back.
1. “You always do___”
Your partner might have a flaw that gets on your nerves very easily, but try not to focus on that each time you argue because you might forget to look at things they do well. If you start bringing up past mistakes you will never settle your argument. Focus on the current situation and try to solve the problem without hurting your partner.
“You should focus on attacking the issue and not each other. Too often people resort to personal attacks as a means of winning an argument, but in doing so, they actually cause deep and wounding damage to the relationship,” she notes. “If they focus only on the issue at hand, and make a point not to make personal attacks, they will strengthen their relationship, and their overall respect for each other.“
2. “You never do___”
This is another ‘extreme’ in a relationship that you should avoid at all cost if you want to save your relationship. People constantly change, some for better others for worse. But attacking your partner for something they did once is never a good idea because you will only make them feel defensive and become unreasonable which can result in a bigger argument. Your partner might even get very hurt by this remark, and distance themselves from you. Again, you need to focus on the real problem, not bringing up past mistakes. Never generalize your partner’s behavior as it may make them feel judged and they will avoid opening up in the future. Nobody likes being criticized, especially by their partner.
3. “It’s your fault that I’m unhappy.”
You might have amazing memories with your partner, but there also might be something they did that you always bring up when you are not happy or upset. You might feel stressed out by your work, or your academic life and you might pinpoint in your relationship, but it is never a good idea. If your relationship is not the real source of your unhappiness, you need to work on the real source and never lash out at your partner for something they didn’t do.
4. “I’m not attracted to you anymore.”
As we previously mentioned, we all change and if you once felt extreme passion for your partner, that passion might be gone now. However, being open about this can hurt them a lot. You should not bring up this issue unless it might lead to a constructive conversation. If your feeling is temporary, never hurt your partner by saying something that you might change your mind about tomorrow.
This is a sentence that is impossible to forget. Be realistic and think from a constructive side. If you don’t find your partner attractive, try to light up the spark again by doing something different.
5. “How can you be so stupid?”
If your partner did a mistake such as exceeding the budget limit on a trip you planned, never yell at them because maybe they wanted to make it memorable for you. This applies to every other thing they do wrong or differently from you. Never insult your partner using these words.