It is difficult to figure out you have been manipulated by someone. However, if you learn the signs it is not that hard to recognize them. If you have discovered your partner is manipulating you, don’t be discouraged, because it happens very often. Manipulators are so good at what they do, but if you know what to look for, it is easy to take down their mask.
Look for the signs of manipulation
If you are not trying to see, you can’t find what you are looking for. Most people whose partners are manipulative, believe they are the ones to blame for such behavior which gives their partner even more strength to continue. Most of the signs are hard to notice, but keep reading to learn which are the most common behaviors of manipulative people.
1. They start fights over small things
At the beginning of a relationship it is difficult to notice controlling behavior because we often want to seem easygoing and agreeable. But, this also makes it difficult to notice it which may result in a long-term pattern of abusive behavior. If your partner often starts fights over insignificant things, and you thing they are not worth fighting for, they will later use this against you to control every part of your life.
2. They blame you for other people’s actions
This may look like jealousy at the beginning, but if your partner is mad at you even for things you didn’t do, they want to control how you behave. They will attack everything about you, your appearance, clothes, behavior and even the personality of other people close to you.
3. They blame you for their actions
If your partner often becomes very upset without a particular reason, they are definitely manipulators. They are using this behavior to get away with something wrong they did and they want to guilt you into forgiving them.
4. They convince you that you are wrong
Manipulators want to feel superior in every aspect of their lives, especially their relationships. They always want to be the smartest and the best, and when you share your opinion they will never acknowledge you are right.
5. They stop you from seeing your friends or family
Manipulators feel less powerful if you are surrounded by people who care about you. They might see your friends or family as a threat because they might ruin their cover, so they will try hard to separate you from these people as much as possible.
6. They flip around what you say
Manipulators will even try to twist your own words and make you doubt what you say. Even if you ask a simple question that might make them seem forgetful, they will snap and twist your words in order to start an argument.
7. They blame you for mistrusting them
Manipulators are not good people and they are very likely to cheat. However, if you confront them they will attack you for not trusting them even if you have clear evidence they are not faithful. Instead of apologizing, try to figure out all the facts if you are having even the slightest doubt.
8. They keep secrets
They will be very mad if you forget to share a small detail about your day, but they are glad to hide things from you even if those are directly related to you.
9. They don’t give you privacy
Another double standard. They want to spend time with their friends, but you are not allowed to do so. Even if you manage to ‘escape’ on a girls’ night out, they will make sure to know every detail about everything.
10. They use guilt to control you
Another major red flag. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. However, manipulators will never acknowledge their own, but they will do everything to make you feel guilty if you do something wrong.
11. They talk down to you
This behavior will only get worse over time. They will try to belittle you every chance they get, even in public or around people you care about. Also, if you try to end the relationship, they might tell you that you will never find someone like them or better. This kind of emotional abuse can be very serious and may significantly damage your self-esteem.
12. They make the relationship about them
We all have bad days and we only want to go back home from work and talk about it with our partner. However, a manipulator will always try to make your problems seem insignificant by not validating them and comparing them to theirs.
13. They are passive aggressive
A manipulative person is always good at controlling their emotions. They can even control their anger and let it out through passive aggressive behavior. This can reflect by making your least favorite meal or doing things that they know you are not comfortable with.
14. They use your trust and kindness against you
Manipulators will let you know you can depend on them but the second you accept their help they will use it against you. Also, if you are a kind person they might use it to trick you into doing something you don’t like.
15. They use fear to control you
This is not that subtle sign like using guilt. It is a red flag that shows the impatience of a manipulative person. If they feel they are losing control, they will make you fear them by threatening to reveal something you have confided in them. However, once they start threatening you with violence, you need to ask for help immediately. If they talk about hurting you, it is only a matter of time until they actually hurt you. If you are too scared to end the relationship talk with someone you trust about making a detailed plan. You can try counseling but if it is too severe, it is better to move on with your life and look for someone who deserves you.